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The baby aspirin years

~ Ms. Boice falls in love, travels and eats her way through life in the post-40 years.

The baby aspirin years

Tag Archives: memoir

When in Isla Contadora

25 Tuesday Apr 2017

Posted by Ms. Boice in Trips

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Tags

Isla Contadora, memoir, Panama, Pearl Islands, travel, vacation

Isla Contadora Panama Pearl Islands

It’s all about timing. I was straddling the front edge of the boat that was bobbing up and down in the water as waves pushed ashore and then quickly receded. I had to stick my leg into the two feet of water onto the shore once the wave finished pulling back so I wouldn’t get dragged away from the boat, but not too late that another wave came crashing through and I ended up in chest-high water. “When I say ‘three’ you go,” barked the man in the boat. And before I could think about how I would go about doing this I heard, “One, two, THREE!” and a hand pulled up on my backpack of camera gear that was strapped over my shoulders, and like a crane I was lifted and dropped gently into the water.

I slogged unsteadily through the water toward the sandy beach and looked for Steve who was already ahead of me, dragging our bag of dive gear, leaving a trail of parallel tracks in the sand, tatooed by the bag’s wheels. Another man was behind me with one of our suitcases balanced on his right shoulder while carrying our other suitcase in his left hand. We looked terribly overpacked for this trip.

Most people who go to Isla Contadora are locals who visit the island for the day to lounge around the beach, drinking cervezas as they chill out to an endless library of Latin club music on their smart phones playing through little portable speakers. They don’t bring suitcases hurled over their shoulders. At most, they might have a beach bag or daypack. But we were here for four days, not just a day trip, and we were overpacked with our gear and khaki wardrobe from a week of birding around Panama’s mainland. We were ready to trade the treking through the humid jungle for four glorious days of relaxing beach time, whale watching, snorkeling and scuba diving. And of course, it looked like we were moving in.

The man with our bags dropped them on the ground at our feet and I put four dollars into his palm. “Gracias!” he said before he ran back toward the boat and hopped on it gazelle-like as the boat was chugging away with departing passengers for the ferry. I scanned the beach trying to figure out who was meeting us. This was Perla Galeon, the beach where all pick ups and drop offs for the ferry from Panama’s mainland happen. There were people queued up to leave for one of the transfer boats while others, like us, were being dropped off, except everyone else seemed to know where they were going as they made their way across the sand to the stairs leading up to the street.

“Where do we go?” asked Steve, who always looked to me for our next step on these trips since I always took care of the logistical planning.

“Um, I’m not sure. Someone is supposed to be here to meet us,” I answered as I scanned the beach for anyone who appeared as though they might be looking for us. Maria, the owner of our hotel, Perla Real, wrote in an email to me that someone would be there to meet us, but I didn’t know who. I didn’t even have a name.

Unfamiliarity is familiar to us. We crash into it every time we travel to a new place. It doesn’t matter how many times we’ve traveled or how many times we’ve been to Panama. Every place is different, but the one thing that remains the same is this: Take a deep breath and just try to figure it all out.

Before I could even finish my deep breath, a young woman in her twenties, wearing a polo shirt and shorts was walking toward me and as we made eye contact she asked “Perla Real?”

“Yes!” I said with relief. “Hola!” And then the skinny man and a boy no more than 14 years old who were with her grabbed our bags and we followed them as we made our way across the sand and up the stairs on to a golf cart that took us to our hotel.

She drove the golf cart, piled high with our bags and it plugged up the hill like The Little Engine that Could. Steve and I have been amused many times when we’ve seen small pick up trucks in Central and South America, packed high with towering crates or hay or other wares–as if carrying the Tower of Pisa in the back of a little pick up truck, with one arm hanging out the window, clinging on to a rope that that is haphazardly wrapped around the goods. “Ha! Look at that!” we would say. “Isn’t that nuts?” But our own tower of luggage weighing down our golf cart here in Isla Contadora seemed more ridiculous as was apparent by the puzzled faces and raised eybrows we passed on the way to our hotel. Yes, we were the ones who were nuts.

Perla Real Hotel Isla Contadora

Lost in translation

The woman at the hotel front desk asked if we spoke Spanish. “Un poquito,” I replied and she rolled her eyes at me and gave me a heavy sigh. Not only did we over pack but we also didn’t speak Spanish. We were her least desirable guests and I quickly learned that I should have been a little more diligent with my Duolingo and Rosetta Stone apps before coming to Isla Contadora. This was our third trip to Panama, but our first to the Pearl Islands and I was accustomed to the many English-speaking Panamanians on the mainland, so I’d become lazy and had unrealistic expectations when venturing away from the main cities.

I signed all the necessary forms and then she handed us our key with it’s carved wooden fob. She gave us directions in Spanish, pointing to the courtyard, then to an open galley next to the office, overflowing with stacked beach chairs and umbrellas and a row of small coolers. I didn’t understand a single word and there might have been instructions about not doing something, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I just nodded and kept repeating, “gracias.”

Golf cart Isla Contadora

The only way to get around on Isla Contadora is by golf cart. For about $80 a day you can rent one, whether it’s from the Visitor’s Center near Playa Galeon or in our case, it was through our hotel. Our rookie mistake the first day was thinking we could get around on foot, but after going up and down the hills and turning the wrong direction—not once, but twice—Steve and I huddled and decided that we were going to suck it up and shell out the $80 each day for transportation. Getting the key to that golf cart was like opening the door to freedom. Once we had the golf cart at our disposal we were able to roam around the island, stop by the mercado to get snacks and drinks, sample the various restaurants and get lost as often as we liked.

Counting pearls

After our breakfast at the hotel our first morning, we packed our golf cart with two beach chairs, an umbrella, a cooler with ice and a bag of granola bars, some fruit and drinks for our lazy beach day.

snorkeling Isla Contadora

Sitting on the sugary sand with legs stretched out at the edge of the ocean was like sitting in the tub at home as water washed up, licking just the top of my legs. I admired my coral-painted toenails in the water before the waves retreated into a foamy whisper. We were in a small cove, which was protected and the water gently rocked in and away from shore as though inhaling and exhaling. As I stared at my pedicure, my mind wandered and I wondered where exactly on this island that the natives counted pearls. In the 16th century around the time the Spanish were conquering Central America they enslaved the islands’ natives to harvest the pearls in this area now called the Pearl Islands and I imagined buckets piled high with pearls. Counting reminded me of spreadsheets, which reminded me of work. I don’t deal with spreadsheets much in my job—my career is in communications and I deal with words, not numbers. But it seems like everyone around me is a master at Excel and I couldn’t imagine anything as dull and boring as numbers. I imagined the native people of Isla Contadora probably hated the monotony of counting tiny pearls. We do a lot of monotonous things for money, I decided.

The blue snorkel sticking out of the water in the distance was Steve’s. I pushed out to float, turned, pulled my mask over my eyes and put my face in the water, blowing air in and out of my snorkel and I had forgotten how my breath seemed strangely amplified when snorkeling. The tiny fish the size of my fingers didn’t seem at all bothered by my presence. The water was kind—It didn’t toss and throw me against the volcanic edges of the shore. If I floated close to the edge I could put out my hand and gently push away from the rock. I located Steve’s fins ahead of me and I followed him as we swam near the rocky perimeter, pointing at orange and black fish that shimmied in the water, darting left then right and then disappearing behind me.

Pearl counting isn’t how I originally learned about the Pearl Islands. I learned about this archipelago from watching the reality television show, Survivor, which had filmed three of its seasons in the Pearl Islands. The clear azure water and brightly colored fish were the same as what producers and cinematographers depicted on TV and the waves crashed against the rocks with the same dramatic effect. I floated around with the realization that I could swim around without thinking that someone was trying to vote me off this island or stab me in the back. I knew that if I was ever on Survivor, I would be one of the first people voted off because I would suck at the challenges and spend too much of my time bird watching instead of building alliances.

After a morning of snorkeling we dried off in our beach chairs and ate our granola bars and pears. Steve fell into a nap, his snores muffled by the sound of the water rhythmically lapping onto the shore. Another umbrella popped up on the beach and a mom and dad set up their picnic while the boy and girl ran into the water squealing. I closed my eyes too, and dreamt that Survivor castaways and I were counting pearls together on this beach.

Looking for whales in silence

Don’t completely discredit our lack of Spanish language skills. There’s something to be said about the element of surprise when you are not exactly sure what you agreed to when you were only using hand gestures and drawing pictures. Apparently one morning we had agreed over breakfast to hire a private boat to go whale watching during a bit of charades with the cook at the hotel.

Humpback whale and calf Panama Pearl Islands

The young Panamanian man didn’t speak English and we didn’t speak Spanish, which was beginning to be a theme on this trip. I wished I had paid more attention to Mrs Potts’ Spanish lessons in high school instead of doodling pictures in class. I should have focused more and learned to conjugate verbs. I regretted not knowing the words I needed and felt the lost opportunity to communicate and learn more about the area. I’m a chatty traveler and want to know about an area, but I couldn’t ask any questions and I fault myself. However, the young man did understand when I simply asked, “Survivor?” He nodded and then steered the boat to the different islands and pointed to each island that was used for the different seasons of the show.

The other word we shared was “whale!” The young man would shout this word and point to the water where a mother and its calf would expose their backs out of the water before they submerged again into the ocean. Our boat chugged through the water with its load motor as we approached a safe distance when the man stopped the boat. The lapping of the water against the boat was the only sound that interrupted the silence.

The humpback whale and it’s young calf were closer and they would swell out of the water and then slip back into the ocean. Up and down maybe twice and then they’d disappear. It would be another five mintues and the pair had moved to another location where they’d lift their backs out the water and then submerge again. We looked to see if they would rise again. If nothing, then our man in the boat would take us to show us more islands. He pointed and we would nod yes and I was sad because I couldn’t learn any more than what pointing told me. Our language differences were a silent wall that I had not yet climbed.

Herding cats

At every restaurant on Isla Contadora there is a cat or two that will rub against your legs and beg for food. I would scratch the top of its head and it would lean in its head to rub my leg and then I would look around to see if anyone was looking and drop a little bit of chicken from my fajita and the kitty would gobble it up.

Isla Contadora cats

“Look, Steve. The ear is clipped,” I pointed out with the first cat that befriended us. It was an interesting feature, but then we noticed it on the yellow tiger-striped cat at the restaurant where we had lunch and then at another restaurant where a gray striped cat begged for food as we slurped mango smoothies.

Cats had been a big problem on Isla Contadora, with new litters of kittens every six week from the feral cats, a local who spoke English told me. With all the new litters of kittens popping up, the feral population’s threat to song birds grew exponentially.  It was the businesses on the island that decided to pitch in money to bring over a vet from the mainland of Panama to get the cats spayed and neutered to help control the population.

The locals on the island rounded up over 400 cats their first attempt and now when the vet comes over they only need to spay or neuter three or so, which means they’re catching up. Part of the process of managing the cat population is clipping the left ear so they know which cats not to catch when they’re rounding them up.

“Good kitty,” I cooed as I scratched behind it’s clipped ear. “Now just stay away from the birds.” If I could toss a few scrambled eggs his way maybe I could keep him from killing a bird for a meal.

Finding Guillermo

“He’s never there,” a woman complained to us when she saw Steve and I standing outside Coral Dreams’ locked door with a “Closed” sign displayed. “Try to come back at 4:00. Sometimes he comes back then.” Finding Guillermo was getting to be impossible. He’s the Argentinian owner of Coral Dreams, the only dive shop on Isla Contadora and this was our third time finding his shop closed.

Diving Isla Contadora

We went back at 4:00 and the door was open. “You are lucky,” he said when we asked if he could take us diving the next day. “A man from Germany wanted to go, but I said, ‘I don’t take out just one person,’ so he will be happy.” The German would be happy and so were we.

All night the thunder shook our hotel room and the rain poured out of the sky. At 6 a.m. I turned over in bed and asked Steve if he thought our dive trip would be cancelled. “Just wait,” he assured me. “Rain doesn’t last very long here.”

Steve was right. When we boarded the dive boat the water was calm, the sky blue and only a few puffy white clouds dotted the sky. Brown Pelicans and Magnificent Frigatebirds soared in the sky, playing in the gentle breeze. The man from Germany spoke excellent English and kept thanking us for booking the dive trip so he could dive too. We all spoke English on this boat and I wanted to ask questions, but the roar of the motor was too load and I didn’t want to scream my words into the beautiful scene of this string of islands.

After a 15 minute ride in the boat Guillermo turned off the boat motor and gave us a thorough review of what we might see. With gear and a tank strapped on, I sat on the edge of the boat and let the weight of the tank pull me down into a backward roll into the water. The sea was warm and gentle. Once we all were in the water we let the air out of our BCDs and followed Guillermo down into the ocean.

It was silent except for my breathing in and out of my regulator. The world of water and the language of diving is simple: Just a few hand gestures and follow Guillermo and look. I didn’t need to know Spanish—or even English—as I glided slowly through the muted blue, watching needle fish, schools of yellow and black fish and bright blue fish skim around us.

Guillermo turned and faced us and floated, as if sitting in a chair and just as he motioned us to stop hundreds of sliver fish surrounded us and I felt as though I was floating in the middle of a mixer. The fish swam in counterclockwise circle, looking  at us with their big eyes with curiosity. I was floating inside nature’s spinning heart.

The silver fish eventually tired of us and moved on their way like a crowd in a train station moving to catch their next train. I didn’t want it all to end, but eventually Guillermo motioned us with his thumb up that we were going to surface. We waited out our safety stop at 15 feet and I hummed the alphabet song six times, which is how I time 3 minutes. This is not in the dive training, but it works for me.

On the boat ride back to the island Guillermo sees the ferry come in with more visitors for the day. “I hate them. They come and leave their garbage. The residents on the island don’t like them,” he complained.

“Do you think Survivor will come back?” I ask him.

“No,” he tells me. “There are not enough hotel rooms on the island to house them. They have a huge production staff—over 300 people.”

The island once thrived with several resort properties, but now Isla Contadora only has a couple hundred residents—a mix of local business owners of restaurants and services and those who are wealthy with big estates. The services could use the business of overnight visitors as opposeed to the day visitors. And the residents with the grand estates would prefer to have the island to themselves. For whatever reason, many of the hotel properties that were once were filled are now boarded up. Ask three different people why this is the case and you’ll get three different answers. Any story is an interesting footnote, but I wasn’t sure which one was the closest to the truth.

But for now, no more reality TV in the Pearl Islands.

Being stuck on an island is not a bad thing

We departed from Isla Contadora much the same way that we arrived on Perla Galeon, except this time there was confusion with our round-trip ferry ticket. We had our tickets in advance, but it wasn’t recorded on their list and we were told there were no more seats. There were frantic phone calls made by a man who stood behind a wooden desk set up on a concrete slab that looked like at one time it might have been part of an open-air cafe. We were scolded for coming late, even though we were 20 minutes early, as if that was the problem. This was the last ferry going back to the mainland and we had a flight early the next morning. I started imagining how I would have to send texts to my boss at work to explain that I was stranded on a tropical island and I’ll be a day late coming back to work and how suspicious that looked.

One more day and night on this island was not a bad idea, I thought. I was just beginning to feel like I got the hang of charades instead of speaking, and it was freeing to be on an island that is not commercial like the islands I’ve visited in Hawaii. It’s not a “canned” travel experience with perfectly beautiful buildings with elegant landscapes. Four days earlier everything was massively unfamiliar and I was just beginning to feel at home with the unpredictability of everything. Figuring everything out was less of a frustration and more like detective work, or trying to make out a word with Scrabble tiles of all vowels. It’s difficult, but rewarding when you find a solution.

The man behind the table, hung up the phone, called us over and said we were fine and told us to stand in the line with the other people waiting for a boat to take them to the ferry. It was their mistake, I was told, and we have seats.

When it was our turn to get on one of the boats that takes us to the ferry I slogged through two feet of water, threw my leg over the side of the boat and a brown-skinned man held my hand as I pivoted into the boat. Steve followed and sat next to me on a bench and the embarassment of all our luggage being loaded on the front of boat returned.

As the boat made its way to the ferry I looked back to the shore of white sand, leaning palm trees and mangroves and the reality of pearl counters, kitty wranglers, diving with a school of fish enveloping me and Survivor memories was already shrinking away in the distance.

My Spanish lessons, I thought, begin as soon as I get home.

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I turned 50 and this is how it went

29 Monday Aug 2016

Posted by Ms. Boice in Trips

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

Beaches, birthday, fifty, memoir, travel, vacation, writing

I turned 50 a few weeks ago.

I’ve never had a problem with birthdays and getting older until this year when things started sliding down like an uncontrollable mudslide. I am now wearing 3.25 power reading glasses, my lips are thinning to the point that it doesn’t make sense to put on lipstick and my middle is getting squishier. There’s also the night sweats and that Welcome to the Club letter from AARP. The aging process is a culmination of unkind memories of a younger self that are still fresh in my mind.

You see, I don’t exactly feel like I’m 50. I mostly still feel like the dorky kid in junior high school with frizzy hair who doesn’t have a clue about most things. Most of my life I felt like I was the late bloomer. I didn’t even get my driver license until I was in college, didn’t find love and marry until I was in my 40s and I have no idea what Snapchat is. So here I am at 50 and I haven’t caught up to it—haven’t caught up to the shell of a body I have right now that is slowing down when I feel like I’m just getting started.

There is now a new box to check to identify my age when completing a survey or filling out a form, and I begrudgingly check it. I am to forever be in this separate category, pushed into a group that separates me from my younger self when I actually self identify as a thirtysomething who still has questions and not a whole lot of answers.

But I’ll be damned if I was going to turn 50 while sitting in the office. We had a big vacation planned to Panama this year for my 50th, but I couldn’t spare a long trip away from the office due to some projects, so we pushed that trip out to September. And because of the weird layout of our offices right now, even though I enjoy a spectacular view of the preserve outside my window, the dismal part is that there is not a soul who works by me. There would be no one to bring in bagels or even a cupcake for my birthday. No, I would sit there all day as the clock ticked away my last moments as a 49-year-old while I answered email and worked diligently on work stuff.

Nope. Not going to have it.

So  I came home one day a couple months ago and announced to my husband and mother (who lives with us) and said, “We’re going to the beach on my birthday.”

Life’s a beach

Growing up in Oregon and being an August baby, I always had my birthday at the beach. My folks would load up the family van with every Coleman camp accessory imaginable and we’d camp at either Fort Stevens or Beverly Beach campgrounds on the Oregon Coast. Sometimes it rained—poured, to be exact—on our big green family tent, but mostly we were able to catch the few days of sunshine Oregon managed to eek out at the coast. Never mind a few days of rain. It was the sunny day at the beach we were gambling for.

At the beach - 1968

The birthday trips to the beach started as early as my 2nd birthday. A trip to Beverly Beach with family friends (the two adults to the left and the little blond girl and boy who were more like cousins to us.)  I’m the kid looking over my shoulder.

On the beach my brother and three sisters and I would  start playing in the sand, building sand castles and then looking for sand dollars. Eventually we’d get the courage to enter the frigid Pacific Ocean and we’d stay there for hours on sunny days. Less so on cooler, overcast days.

family at beach

Some days we didn’t even bother putting on swim suits. Ordinary street clothes were just fine. (I’m the one in the striped t-shirt on the right.)

201158_3778956395045_1049549570_o

Me as a high schooler (frizzy hair and all), wearing my mom’s old college sweat shirt, sitting under the rain canopy over our campground picnic table celebrating another birthday at the beach. No Oregonian would be caught dead without a canopy.

When I got older and started traveling I quickly learned that ocean water doesn’t have to be cold. What? they’re not all like Oregon beaches? When I started traveling to the southern part of the country and even further south to Mexico, Central America and the northern most part of South America—right smack on top of the equator—I fell in love with warm ocean waters that lapped up on white sandy beaches.

And that’s what I was looking for on my 50th birthday this year: A birthday at the beach where the sun was out, the sand so blazing hot that you have to hop around on the sand as if you were walking on fiery coals, and, of course, water as warm as a bath. My husband and my mom and I traveled the 7-hour drive down south to South Padre Island, which is still in Texas and spitting distance to the US/Mexico border. It was the beach I wanted. No camping (the bones hurt at this age, remember?), but we stayed at a lovely hotel right on the sandy beaches of the Gulf of Mexico.

IMG_9258

That’s me on my 50th birthday at the beach on South Padre Island a few weeks ago. Matching the hotel beach towel was a bonus.

Being at the beach was exactly what I needed. My husband and I played in the waves, rode a boogie board and we even danced on the hotel deck to Top 40 songs covered by a live band. And we had Italian ice cream, so diet be damned. I AM NOW FIFTY!

IMG_9251

And then like most 50-year-olds, I got pensive

In the weeks approaching my 50th birthday I had been compiling a list of 50 Things I’ve Learned that I thought I would share with you here. It’s been helpful to reflect and maybe I have  learned a few things along the way.

  1. Always smile in an interview
  2. The best way to get help even when you’re really frustrated is to tell someone in customer service “I really need your help. Can you help me?” Works all the time. Especially if you sigh first.
  3. Never go on a cruise during Christmas break if you want to avoid children.
  4. Whenever buying something on the internet before you check out make sure to search for coupon codes online. There is almost always a coupon code to use.
  5. Getting Global Entry and Nexus is totally worth it.
  6. Take the time to go through your photos right after your trip so that you can edit and delete sooner rather than later. Because, let’s be honest, you’re not going to get back to them after that. And if you do wait until later, then you’ve got a big mess to get through.
  7. Good knives are worth the money spent.
  8. Keep a bowl in the freezer. There is nothing better than eating cereal from a bowl that’s been frozen. Trust me.
  9. Chiggers will always find me.
  10. Bandannas are a curly, frizzy girl’s best friend when she travels.
  11. Those shower caps in your hotel room make great covers for DSLR cameras when it’s raining outside.
  12. It’s OK to photograph in Auto.
  13. You really don’t need bridesmaids.
  14. Never end the year with unused vacation days.
  15. Buying clothes a size smaller with the hopes that that diet will work is never a good idea.
  16. Always document the items you give to charity. It all adds up and will help you come tax time.
  17. Tip your hair stylist well. He or she will always take good care of you and will move mountains for you if you need a last-minute appointment.
  18. Prayer is helpful.
  19. Writing is hard work.
  20. Smart people are those who ask questions because you can pretty much count on others in the room having the same questions.
  21. Never say never.
  22. Babies on airplanes aren’t as awful as everyone makes them out to be. That’s what headphones are for anyway.
  23. Having a good tailor will open up all sorts of possibilities with your wardrobe.
  24. Don’t workshop a highly emotional memoir at a writing conference without a box of tissues.
  25. Try to meet in person some of the people you connect with on Twitter.
  26. Go to your 30th high school reunion. The cliques have dissolved and everyone wants to hug everyone. People have been through lots of hard stuff by then and it’s all better.
  27. Try karaoke once.
  28. If you do karaoke sing something by The Eurythmics because there’s probably only, like, 3 different notes in the whole song. Hard to go wrong.
  29. Don’t paint/tile/renovate your house in a vanilla sort of way for resell purposes. Decorate it tastefully in a bold way that YOU like.
  30. Learning to sew (hand stitch and machine) is an important skill to have.
  31. Before going to the doctor make a list of questions and use that to guide a conversation during your appointment.
  32. When giving feedback (at work, or on Yelp or someplace else), remember that the person you’re talking to or about is a person too.
  33. It’s perfectly okay to not have the desire to have children.
  34. Smile at a person who looks like they’re having a bad day.
  35. Don’t burn bridges. You just may end up working at that company again or work with one or more of those people again.
  36. Let falling in love be the reason you try something scary…like scuba diving.
  37. Bookmark Snopes and be a fact checker.
  38. Exercise gets harder as you get older.
  39. Don’t be afraid to just shut up and listen to people who believe completely different than you. It’s amazing what can be learned and shared by people on both sides of an issue.
  40. Surround yourself with a variety of people and viewpoints.
  41. More people are charitable and kind than not. Remember that when things in the world seem awful.
  42. There are so many answers to be found on the internet.
  43. There are so many lies on the internet.
  44. Every woman should own a pair of red shoes.
  45. Talk to people how you would like to be talked to.
  46. Not everyone will like me.
  47. There is always someone having a worse day or life than me.
  48. It is totally worth the money spent to get great seats at theatre, symphony, opera, rock concerts.
  49. It is better to be true than right.
  50. People still like receiving handwritten thank-you notes.

 

 

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Purging time capsules

15 Sunday Nov 2015

Posted by Ms. Boice in Uncategorized

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

declutter, identity, memoir, personal essay, purging

I had a general idea of what I was dealing with, but a box labeled, “home office,” or “kitchen” didn’t tell me much. Every time I sliced through the clear packing tape at the top of each box I was always surprised by what I found inside.

There were a lot of boxes to unpack and here it is, five months later, and I’m still unpacking. The move to Texas happened fast. I didn’t have time to purge and declutter before things got boxed up. In fact, I didn’t even box them up myself. A moving company moved us and was responsible for all of our packing–hence the mystery–so not only did I not thin out everything as things were packed, I honestly didn’t know what was in each box.

There’s help for this, I’m sure.

For some reason I hang on to a lot. Not exactly like a hoarder with rats running around and a stack of plastic florist card holder sticks and Cool Whip containers, but I hang on to every ticket stub for events I’ve attended, Playbills for every show I’ve seen, every Christmas card and Birthday card received, and notes from people. I’ve also hung on to interesting articles I’ve found. Most of what I’ve collected over the years I put into binders to form a visual journal of each year. Some people call this scrapbooking, but mine don’t look like scrapbooks. They’re just organized in binders like what a historian would keep. Yet here I was, facing all the accumulation of what I had been hanging on to–including the binders, but mostly files upon files of random things I had collected.

At least I was somewhat neat and organized about it. I had labeled manila files that helped me organize all the things that didn’t make it into the yearly binders–things clear back from high school. I had files labeled–

  • Every wedding announcement I had ever received
  • Emails I had printed out that contained bon mots and clever exchanges between co-workers that I thought were funny enough to file away and keep.
  • An entire file about Barbie. These were mostly cartoons and clever things written about the Barbie doll. Not sure why I had kept these and filed them away, but apparently I had enough of them that on one rainy day I must have sat on my bed in my apartment and created a folder for them.
  • There were folders for articles about The Cure (yes, the band–I was kind of obsessed) and a whole collection of stuff on the musician, George Michael. I was a member of the fan club during my twenties.
  • There were coins from a variety of European countries before there was the Euro

And then after I had peeled away layers of manila folders, underneath I found this:

Woody Allen Mia Farro Soon-Yi

I had been a long-time fan of Woody Allen so when the news of his relationship with Mia Farrows’ daughter, Soon-Yi exploded I was immersed in it all. I had collected everything in print on the news about the subject during a time long before social media and even before the Internet had matured enough to serve as a news source.

So here I was, faced with all these memories and I had to decide. Do I keep or throw away? On one hand, they are memories and they are about who I am as a person., which is exactly the reason I had kept them in the first place. But then on the other hand, it totally didn’t make sense to keep them. I didn’t have room for them in my house, and let’s be honest. I didn’t have room for them in my life any longer.

Then it occurred to me. This is exactly that moment this collection of memories was designed for. It’s as if they were all sealed up in a large metal box with a date on the outside that said, “Don’t open until 2015.” This was my time capsule.

As I approached each box and each folder inside, I spread the contents on my bed and spent time with them. I looked through everything and then I dumped everything. (Well, most everything. I actually discovered some important documents in the process–like an excerpt from a grandparent’s journal.)

I read every email that was printed out and laughed when I re-read the exchange with my friend Joe as we both secretly vied for the attention of a handsome co-worker, Trevin, and then they all went into the trash. I looked through each of the wedding invitations I received and fondly remembered the connections I had with the sender and then into the trash they went. I smiled as I leafed through the George Michael Fan Club material, remembering the evenings I would put his Listen Without Prejudice Volume I CD on repeat and write in my journal. Yes, all my George Michael dreams went into the trash as well.

These were a time capsule that I had put together in my twenties that were a definition of who I was at the time and here it is twenty or so years later to discover that, while they are wired into my DNA, they aren’t who I am anymore. They were certainly seeds that grew into who I am now, but I’m not a seed anymore. I’m a tree now.

Purging and decluttering is an emotional exercise. It wasn’t until I realized that I’m not that twenty something person any longer that I could let it all go. During the unpacking I gave myself my moments of reliving exactly what was intended when my twenty something self put these things in a manila folder—to remember and look fondly on those times, but move forward.

Now, on to my closet. I’ve got some unfinished business there too.

 

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Thank you, Utah.

22 Sunday Mar 2015

Posted by Ms. Boice in Trips, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Arches National Park, Austin Texas, Culture, Life changes, memoir, Mountains, National Park, personal essay, religion, Salt Lake City, Utah

IMG_3747

I drove across the border from Utah into Colorado unceremoniously. I half expected a big sign pleading, “Hey Lisa, we’ve had 19 wonderful years in Utah. Please turn around and come back” as if, like a desperate lover, trying to make one last attempt to change my mind about leaving.

It’s not you, Utah. It’s me. Things change, but I still love you.

You throw your hat in the ring and BOOM! You actually land that promotion you applied for at work. High fives with the husband and then you realize–

We’re moving. The kind of moving where you have to move your house, leave your friends, leave your hair stylist/frizz tamer/color wizard/therapist. Leave your favorite restaurants, your class at the gym (even though you’ve been on the back row for years), and leave the brilliant it-just-makes-sense street system, laid out like missile coordinates.

I thought I would be crying as I drove with the majestic snow-covered Wasatch Mountains in my rear-view mirror. I wouldn’t have them any longer to keep me humble and remind me that I’m small and the rest of the world is bigger than me. They’ve been my companion of 19 years in the arid high desert and even though I don’t ski I will miss them something awful.

Utah is plagued with a misunderstood reputation. Of the nearly two decades I spent there, I rarely saw a polygamist and had probably the most diverse set of friends I’d ever had–representing different lifestyles, races and religion. It’s not to say that Utah didn’t have room to grow and mature. When I arrived fresh from California I was accustomed to eating alone in a restaurant. The first time I asked for a Table for One in Utah the hostess froze, not knowing what to do with me. I thought she was going to offer me a consoling hug and whisper in my ear, “It’s okay, honey. I’m here if you need someone to talk to.”

Now I can easily go into a restaurant alone or even see a movie alone and everyone else seems to be okay with that. Time changes perspectives, and while Utah isn’t a big coastal metropolis like New York City, LA, Seattle or San Francisco, it’s been growing up.

Utah has been a growing experience for me. It’s an interesting clash of cultures when people who feel more sophisticated than a city come to town. I was one of those. I probably spent my first year with a lot of eye rolls. “Geez,” I would say to myself. “They call this sourdough bread?” I thought I was too sophisticated and polished for Utah. Little did I know it would polish me.

I eventually found that I could spend years trying to prove (to no one, really) how much more awesome I was than Utah or I could fall madly, deeply in love with the state. And that’s what happened.Log Haven

I got married here and we celebrated our new life together with friends and family in a tucked-away historical restaurant in the nearby mountains. I didn’t find my husband here (I had to go to Scotland for that), but we dated long distance for two years and when he’d come to town he took my hand and dragged me to the obvious wonders I was ignoring–Zion National Park, Bryce National Park, Arches National Park, Canyonlands National Park and Antelope Island. All in my own backyard, but I was blind to them all because I had been so concerned about what was different from where I had been before.

Bryce Canyon

Utah is different. But so is every place else when you really think about it. And I’m not just talking about the geology or terrain. People will be different, customs will be different, and the DMV will be different. But that’s okay. We all can’t be the same, otherwise, there’s no reason to travel to different places. What made Utah different made me different than I was before I landed there. It made me lose the chip on my shoulder and helped me understand that while my viewpoint is different than some in Utah I had value and perspective to offer. I didn’t argue, I discussed. I quit rolling my eyes and started seeing. I found other voices like mine and we shared. And I also found a sameness I didn’t think I’d find.

Actor Ty Burrell (of TV sitcom Modern Family) and his wife call Salt Lake home and expressed exactly what I’m trying to say here, when he wrote in Huffington Post, “We didn’t realize the incredible impact that having the differing viewpoints of both the religious and secular populations of Utah would have on us. So many cities are actually mono-cultures and Salt Lake has an inherent diversity that’s not always apparent.”

You see, this mix and diversity is so delicious. And most people don’t even see it.

Utah was the third state I spent significant time. I grew up in Oregon, then spent almost 10 years in the San Francisco Bay Area in my 20s, then settled in Utah. Now I’m moving to the south to Austin, Texas, which seems to be a conglomerate of all those places I lived previously.

Already I’ve found Austin to be very different. For the life of me I can’t tell how to get around on the street system here and I miss the mountains of Utah that always helped me know how to navigate direction. Some here call themselves hippies and others call themselves very conservative. But everyone calls me ma’am and says “howdy.” I like all of that.

Though it hurts to break up, Utah, please know that you will always be in my heart. Thank you for 19 wonderful years.

Wasatch Mountains

 

 

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Reaching for words

07 Sunday Sep 2014

Posted by Ms. Boice in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

blogging, Book Passage, Courage, memoir, writing

IMG_5529

It was a rookie mistake. I had no idea that workshopping a very sad personal story would turn out to be such a bad idea. And by “bad idea” I mean there were tears in the workshop. Not from readers, but from me. This workshop was part of the Book Passage Travel Writing and Photography Conference I attended in Corte Madera, California last month and I was all prepared to be encouraged and motivated and receive really inspiring directional feedback. I wasn’t expecting the tissue box to be passed my way.

Workshopping an essay is not for the timid, and while no one would describe me as timid (ever), I hadn’t workshopped any of my writing since I took Creative Writing in college. All those creative juices I thought I was squeezing back in college almost immediately turned into lackluster business writing of emails and PowerPoints over the course of the last 25 years. No one that I know even writes documents in business anymore. We write in 24 pt. font on slides with bullet points where punctuation is optional. There’s no time to workshop a piece at the office and why would we? Most of the time we’re up at midnight throwing together the presentation that was due a few hours earlier and, to be frank, no one cares about the prose. I wish they did, though. I miss striving to write great prose.

GEMO or “good enough, move on” is the mantra, because there’s another assignment brewing. There’s no feedback of a written piece. No one in business brings together a group of people, sitting in a circle to make comments like, “But we want to know more about how you’re feeling—what did you think when you were told to lead the annual United Way fundraising campaign? Can you dig deeper?”

So that’s why I started writing about stuff I care about

It was just three years ago I decided that if I didn’t have an outlet for creative writing I would likely explode into a million tiny pieces. The emails and PowerPoints were never going to help me reach the Self Actualization pinnacle of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, so I opened up a WordPress account and started blogging. Blogs are “rough,” and a bit off the cuff and I could write on my own schedule, which is generally late at night after a long day at the office, or on the weekend while a pile of laundry goes unfolded, and dishes sit in the sink. And I admit it: there’s so much satisfaction with putting words down and hitting Publish.

There. Done. Move on.

I move fast. It’s how I’m wired—I’m impatient with the world and impatient with words. Feedback on my blog? Oh, I’d love it. Really. But I don’t elicit it. That would require time. And waiting. And the responsibility to dig deep. At least I’m one notch better than business writing, but not much, which is why I really needed feedback.

How I ended up workshopping. And crying.

You can’t be in management in business without learning to give feedback and get feedback, which means I have pretty thick skin. So, the desire for feedback led me to the workshop at the Book Passage Travel Writing and Photography Conference. There were seven other brave souls who labored over their own pieces we eventually dissected along with our faculty leader/moderator over three mornings. The feedback was always constructive and gentle and every single piece of advice I received was perfect in making my essay better.

I just didn’t realize that it would, well, make me cry.

The essay recalled the events of finding out my friend’s death the morning after I had exchanged “I love yous” with a man I was rendezvousing with in romantic Bath, England. Revisiting this lovely/awful mashup rubbed me raw like Meryl Streep’s character in Silkwood where she is getting sprayed down with fire hose force while someone is coarsely scrubbing down her skin in the shower after she had been contaminated by radiation. That kind of raw. When you’re that exposed and tender with emotion someone could have suggested that I should have used a different font for my essay and I would have sobbed.

I always want my travel essays to take the reader back and really be there in the location, but I forgot that it takes me there too. It broke my heart all over again, which is probably why I never went that deep in the first place. At first I was okay when the instructor began to talk about what he liked and then questions from the group arose as to why I didn’t write more about the details of my relationship with my friend, how much I knew about her illness and what she knew about this man I was meeting in England. Water in my eyes filled up the more everyone probed about my friend. Was I having a tree allergy, perhaps? Sure, that was it.

The woman to my left saw the puddles of water in my eyes and said, “Can I give you a hug?” and that’s all it took to release the dam holding back my tears. I lowered my head as if to pray and covered my eyes under my glasses, thinking no one could see me cry. Horrified to think that they all thought I was upset over the feedback I stuttered out, “I’m sorry. It’s not the feedback. It’s not the feedback. It’s all great. I just didn’t expect this.”

I had no intention of diving too deep into this mashup of romantic love bursting at the seams with the excruciating pain of the death of my best friend. I lived it once already, wrote about it two years ago and just figured I’d make it better in this workshop. No big deal, right? I supposed I would just casually snorkel near the surface and keep it safe. I didn’t know I’d be strapping on the tank and going deep below the surface to see what was in each cavern or see new creatures and coral I couldn’t see from the top.

Sometimes you need help to reach

Helping you get there—to get deep—is what workshopping groups are supposed to do (and what mine did for me last month at the conference). Each member of our group provided me an outside viewpoint that woke me to new words I couldn’t get to before. For me, reaching for words alone is like sticking my arm in a hole in the ground that’s only three-inches deeper than the length of my arm and my fingers are wriggling and stretching to try to pick up words lying there like a pile of plastic red, blue and yellow Pick Up Monkeys I played with as a kid—monkeys with their arms curved like hooks so they can link one to another in a long monkey chain. But my arm isn’t long enough and I can’t reach the monkeys. I know they’re there but they’re just out of reach. If I could just get one of them I could grab the rest of the pile. So I lie there on the ground with my arm stretched out as long as I can muster and wriggle and wriggle my fingers in hopes of grasping a word that will link to another and another in a long chain. I usually give up and just move on. But a workshopping group doesn’t let you  move on.

Words are often unreachable and for me, it takes others to help me reach a little further even if it’s painful. That’s the joy of workshopping—you get to where you need to be, even if it does make you cry a little. Just because time has passed doesn’t make visiting the past any easier. Getting to the right words takes time, patience, a long arm, some great folks to provide feedback to point you in the right direction, and maybe some tissues.

But next year I’m not going to make such a rookie mistake. Maybe I’ll save the deeply emotional pieces for one-on-one feedback, so if I cry it won’t feel the need to be so apologetic about my tears.

I think next time I’ll just bring an essay about birds.

Do you ever struggle for words when you write? How do you break through that? And have you ever workshopped a piece that brought you to tears? (Because if you have, that would make me feel a whole lot better.)

 

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Musical Tales

25 Sunday May 2014

Posted by Ms. Boice in Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

dating, love, marriage, memoir, music

 

lroum

The interview recording studio at Classical 89.

Of course I’m not going to pass up an invitation to be interviewed on our local classical music station and talk about my favorite classical pieces, so when they asked I jumped at the chance. And when they invited my husband to be interviewed as well, I didn’t have to do much arm twisting there. We’re both classical music nerds, I’m afraid.

Classical 89 in Provo, Utah is our favorite radio station. It’s what I wake up to every morning at 5:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m. (in case I missed that first alarm.) The publicly-funded radio station invites listeners to become part of Friday Favorites and share with interviewer, Mark Wait, their favorite piece of music and why and so I didn’t hesitate when they invited me via Facebook.

Easy peasy, I thought at first. I love music, especially the classical stuff. But then I had to narrow it down to just two. Not so easy peasy. Yet, I did find my top two that I shared with Classical 89’s listeners and I thought I’d share it with you too. Plus you get to hear what we sound like and I promise you, we’re not classical music snobs.

Bolero

Listen to my interview as I explain why I’m so in love with this piece. We talk a little about jazz and I confessed that it took me awhile to appreciate Miles Davis, but I do now and in a very big way. I want you all to know that.

So back to Ravel. If there ever was a soundtrack for my romance with my husband it’s this piece and I explain it in the interview below. (Click on the play button next in the black bar below and you’ll hear the 2 1/2 minute interview.)

https://babyaspirinyears.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/lo12254.mp3

 

So, the Bolero masterpiece is 15 minutes long and there are always the snickers from those who’ve seen the movie 10, but you must go and give it a play. Especially the version by Cincinnati Symphony and Orchestra. I have not heard another recording as stirring as that one.

Gymnopédie

There is something a little jazzy about Erik Satie’s Gymnopédies.  They’re jazzy because Satie took the melodies and stretched them out into what seems like the atmosphere and then they come back to you contained as a unit. It’s all so indicative of the impressionistic movement going on at that time. I’m rather fond of Gymnopédie 1, particularly the Claude Debussy orchestration, which doesn’t lose its simplicity going from Satie’s original piano work to orchestration.

When I contacted Classical 89’s studio to get a copy of my interview they couldn’t find it. (I know! Bummer!) Somehow it may have gotten deleted, so I’ll tell you here my Satie story. As you recall from the interview above about Bolero, I had met my husband online and we were corresponding long distance from two continents. We would see each other about every six weeks and during one of our rendezvous he suggested we go on a road trip. As I was putting my bags in the back seat of his car I noticed a plastic shoe box full of CDs and right there on the top was an Erik Satie album.

“I’m going to marry that man,” I thought to myself.

Rhapsody in Blue

There was a bit of a squabble between Steve and I as to who was going to use Rhapsody in Blue in the interviews. It’s one of my favorites, but Steve called “dibs” on it and so I let him have it to share in his interview. (Besides, I had so much trouble narrowing down my own choices.) Steve talks a little about jazz and Woody Allen, which continues to endear me to my husband. Here is Steve’s interview (Click on the play button in the black bar. The interview is just shy of a minute)

https://babyaspirinyears.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/lo12252.mp3

 

Ride of the Valkyries

I have a love/hate relationship with Ride of the Valkyries. It’s so not the piece of music I want to hear before 10:00 a.m.  (Remember, my alarm is set to Classical 89 and there’s been twice that they’ve played Ride of the Valkyries right as the wake-to-music alarm went off. Jolting, I tell ya.) I think Steve loves this piece because he loves war movies. And he’s right, as he and the interviewer explain in the recording below—it was so fitting for the movie Apocalypse Now. I’ve always wondered how Wagner felt about that. (Click on the play button in the black bar. The interview is only 2 mins 2 seconds.)

https://babyaspirinyears.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/lo12226.mp3

 

Is there a piece of music that you just adore? Tell me in the comments below.

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When the clouds parted

31 Friday Jan 2014

Posted by Ms. Boice in Rendezvous Journal, Trips

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

dating, memoir, Narrows, nature, photography, relationships, travel, Utah, Zion National Park

Zion National Park Rendezvous

You would have never known that 24 hours earlier you couldn’t see but five feet in front of you. But that was Bryce Canyon National Park the day before and this day we were at Zion National Park and it was a bright, warm October day.

Uh, yes.  That's me in front of Bryce Canyon

The day before. What do you mean you can’t see Bryce Canyon?

And the next day there were clear skies.

The next day: Zion National Park’s clear skies show no hint of the neighboring fog.

This was day two of my third rendezvous with Steve. To recap, just six months earlier we met in Scotland, then met up again three months later in London and Bath, England, and three months after that we were rendezvousing in my home state of Utah, discovering National Parks just four hours sound of where I live.

And things were going very well.

So well that I took the clouds parting as a sign. A sign that I was officially in a long-distance relationship, which was something I swore I would never do.

I swore I would never do a lot of things.

Like date online.

Fly across the ocean to another country to meet a guy.

And, yeah, find myself in a long-distance relationship.

A long-distance affair.

A long-distance affair.

Walking the trail, hand in hand with Steve, I couldn’t feel more lucky to have ignored all my “rules.” This is perfect. Absolutely perfect. The trail ended oddly at the bank of a shallow river and as I began to turn around to walk back to the trail head I was being pulled in the opposite direction into the river.

“Wait! We’re going into the water!” I felt the water up to my calves.

“Of course,” Steve said. “Let’s hike it.”

“No we can’t,” I insisted. He still was pulling me along. Do I stop him? Do I follow him? I don’t want him to think I’m not fun.

“Sure we can. Everyone else is,” he assured me.

And that’s when I noticed that there were others hiking the river. (I later learned that this was called “Hiking the Narrows.”

Trying to look cool as I hike the Narrows.

Trying to look cool as I hike the Narrows.

The water was cold but after a few minutes I didn’t notice it any more. The bottom of the river was full of pebbles and rocks and I might as well had been walking on marbles. Everyone else made it look so easy. I was desperate not to look stupid. I wanted Steve to think this was no big deal, like I do it all the time.

Posing in a kettle during our hike.

Posing in a kettle during our hike.

After awhile I began to get the hang of it. Just walk slow and steady. Keep your balance, I kept telling myself. Just pretend you do this all the time. Because normally I would never do something like this. I never thought of myself as an adventurous person.

But getting on a plane to rendezvous with a stranger in Scotland was adventurous.

And so was repeating that in Bath, England.

Plus that whole long-distance relationship thing.

Sometimes people drag you into the river to go on an adventure and experience something new on a warm October day with cobalt blue skies.

Steve takes a break on a rock in the Narrows.

Sure, I’d follow this guy into a river. Anytime.

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Browsing Paris

21 Sunday Oct 2012

Posted by Ms. Boice in Trips

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

Air France, Arc de Triomphe, Charles de Gaulle Airport, France, memoir, Paris, travel, vacation, writing

Seven hours. That’s all we had.

Our plane had just landed at Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris and we had two choices: A) Sit around the airport for seven hours or B) Get into Paris somehow to see something. Anything. And get back in time to catch our flight to Venice.

We went with B.

I’m generally a planner and I follow rules. Both planning and rules seem to keep me out of trouble and keep things “safe” for me. They also, I’ve learned, spoil adventures and don’t leave much opportunity for serendipity to call on me. So this time adventure trumped “safety” because I wanted my mom to see Paris–even if it was just for a few hours. We were on our way to Venice to begin a 14-day Mediterranean cruise and it was just too tempting to not let her see one of Paris’s storied landmarks during our seven-hour layover.

I had been to Paris before on business but my mom—this was her first time. So we had a mission and our adventure was bound by a clock, which made the whole thing a little bit more exciting.

The always crazy Charles de Gaulle Airport

I love Paris, but I have to tell you, the airport just wears me out. For some reason, Charles de Gualle airport is a serpentine of stairwells and hallways you have to navigate through. And it doesn’t help that the airplane I generally arrive on doesn’t even drop me off at the actual airport building, but somewhere in the middle of the tarmac.

Down the steps of the plane onto the tarmac. (Am I the only one who thinks she’s going to fall down the plane’s stairs?) Then on to a shuttle, then through a door, up a small staircase, then down another hall, down another staircase then up another staircase, then down more hallway. Every time this happens to me I’m convinced I’m going the wrong way and will end up in the employee locker room.

Can someone tell me why this line isn’t moving?

Once we saw Customs and Immigration we were relieved to find that we were indeed in the right place, but the line wasn’t budging. No one moved. We were in line for nearly an hour (tick tock, tick tock) and we were losing time on our adventure. There was only one immigration officer’s booth open and he wasn’t moving very fast either. After the hour passed the line started moving again. (It was around lunch with very few workers at this time. Just keep this in mind if you try this on your own, kids.)

One reason to love the French: The Air France Bus into Paris

Because I did my research ahead of time I learned that once we went through immigration and checked our bags in for the Venice flight all we had to do was make our way to the Air France counter between terminals 2E and 2F and we could catch a bus into Paris. It had been two hours since we landed.

Five hours left in our adventure.

Catching the bus into Paris couldn’t have been easier and it was only €24 RT for each of us (and by the way,1/2 price for kids under 11 years). We found the Air France counter, paid our fare and hopped on the bus (which leaves every 30 minutes) for the hour-long bus ride into central Paris.

This is what I look like after a long flight from the U.S.

Hey look! It’s mom at the Arc de Triomphe in Paris!

The driver dropped us off at the Arc de Triomphe where my mom and I shot photos of each other, visited a typical Paris café and she had French Onion soup while I had quiche—so cliché but oh so French! After our lunch we wandered around the corner, admiring all the Parisian street lamps, the architecture and the bakeries—yes the bakeries! We each bought a pastry and then decided we needed to catch our bus back to the airport.

Two hours left now.

The cute Parisian cafe where we had lunch

We weren’t rushed, we weren’t worried. We were simply caught up in our little slice of Paris. It was kind of like visiting a library where you flip through the book while you sit in the comfy chairs but you’re not committed enough to check it out of the library and walk out the door with it. We were just browsing Paris.

Right when we got to the corner where our bus dropped us off our bus to take us back to the airport just arrived. We got on and took the hour-long journey back to the airport. We went through security again and found our gate just as they were calling our names to check in.

We checked in at the desk and then plopped ourselves into two chairs next to each other. And then my mom said, “That was really fun!”

Mom, let’s go back to Paris sometime and really spend some time there. Paris isn’t a seven-hour kind of place.

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Channeling Sting’s Fields of Gold

28 Tuesday Aug 2012

Posted by Ms. Boice in Rendezvous Journal, Trips

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

Barley, England, Eva Cassidy, Fields of Gold, Hampshire, Hannington, love, memoir, Oxford, photography, Sting, travel

English Rendezvous – Final Chapter

Fields of barley. They were all around us as we made our way to the little civil parish of Hannington, Hampshire England. (If you have Sting’s song, Fields of Gold, I recommend turning it on right now as you read this post. You can find Sting’s version of Fields of Gold on iTunes. I also recommend this other lovely cover version by Eva Cassidy.)

You’ll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in the fields of gold

Two days earlier we were in Bath and the Cotswolds and the previous day we spent at Oxford where we picnicked on the lawn overlooking the River Thames and watched people punting. As we wandered around the campus we walked by a group of students playing cricket—my first real-live experience watching cricket, even if just for a few minutes. “They could be there for days,” Steve explained. Apparently cricket is a long, arduous sport. Where you wear sweaters.

But the barley in Hampshire—the Fields of Gold, Sting wrote about as a love song—caused me to take it all as a sign that there was something indeed magical happening right at that moment. (Some people call it falling madly in love, I suppose.) It was the perfect way to wrap up my two weeks in England: the solo week I had in London, the wonderful days in Bath, the “I Love Yous” the grief, the joy, the perfect photo together. That’s a lot to pack into travel. You don’t get all that backstory when you see the stamp in my passport unless, well, you’ve read this blog, I suppose.

So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

We were in Hannington because Steve Hannington is the man I was with and his family settled this part of the English county of Hampshire back before the 11th Century. I had never met anyone who hailed from a namesake town, so if Steve’s gallant nature from the previous days wasn’t enough to impress me, being a Hannington in Hannington sealed the deal for me.

Steve Hannington in Hannington, Hampshire England

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
We’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in the fields of gold

It didn’t take long to walk around Hannington. There is a little square in the middle of the town—more of a park—right next to the ancient All Saints’ Church. I found a post box right at the side of the lane and dropped in my postcards, though all except one, which I had intended for Jessica before I knew she had passed away. I still have that postcard and today it is pinned to my bulletin board in my home office, right above my desk.

Hannington, Hampshire England

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold
I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I’ve broken
But I swear in the days still left
We’ll walk in the fields of gold

This was our last day together before I flew back to the U.S. Last time I left Steve it was Scotland and I cried—no, I sobbed. But I was out of tears this trip. I spent the last two days grieving the loss of my friend, Jessica and now all I had left were dry eyes and this soundtrack of Sting’s Fields of Gold playing in my mind. We took time to have dinner at the one restaurant in Hannington—a little pub called The Vine and we had fish out on the patio as we watched a dog play on the lawn, performing for all who were dining.

Time to leave. We left Hannington and the sun was beginning to set as we made our way toward Gatwick airport where we would find accommodations one last time in England.

Fields of Gold

Barley is simple and rather plain looking when you look at it individually. But all laid out in a field it takes on a collective sense of golden-ness. As we departed, going down a narrow lane toward London, we had the fields on both sides of us. Like when I walked through those doors at immigration and customs in Scotland and felt my life about to change, driving through the Fields of Gold also felt a little baptismal. This entire journey to England was a collection of individual experiences (exploring London solo for a week, the death of a friend, saying, I Love You) that combined, had cast a golden hue on my future, which I saw in those fields.

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
You’ll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in the fields of gold

Fields of Gold, lyrics and music by Sting.

Find out where we meet up again.

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It’s about travel, saying “I love you,” and death

16 Thursday Aug 2012

Posted by Ms. Boice in Rendezvous Journal, Trips

≈ 133 Comments

Tags

Bath, Bourton on the Water, Cotswold, death, England, Freshly Pressed, grief, Jane Austen, love, lupus, memoir, photography, travel

England Rendezvous, Chapter 3

My phone displayed that I had a voicemail. Normally I don’t bother with my phone while I’m traveling abroad, and I figure that I’ll listen to voicemail when I get back to the U.S. Besides, anyone important who needed to reach me while I was on holiday in Bath, England knew to just text me.

Castle Comb in the Cotswolds

It was day three of my epic romantic rendezvous in Bath, England with my long-distance suitor I met in Scotland just eight weeks prior. No distractions. No phones. Just the two us to discover Bath, the Cotswolds, and to see if I could muster the courage to say, “I love you.”

But the phone. There was a message on it and I had this feeling I needed to listen to this voicemail.

“Hi Lisa,” the voice said. “This is Jana, Jessica’s sister. I’m sorry to have to tell you, but Jessica passed away and I know you two were close and I found your phone number in her address book. I wanted to let you know when the funeral will be, so call me at….”

I just stood there looking at the stupid phone in my hand. Tears welled up in my eyes so fast that it felt like they were coming like a big wave that crashes on the shore. I inhaled and then crash! I couldn’t stop them.

Jessica and I worked together in Menlo Park, California back in the 90s. When I moved away we phoned each other weekly and wrote long epistles back and forth to each other over email where we lamented about men, our jobs, men, our coworkers, men. You get the picture. We would even watch the Oscars together over the phone and make snarky comments throughout the show. (This is what we did before Twitter, my friends.) We went to Giants games when I would come to town and traded books through the mail.

She also had lupus and had contracted an infection from a pedicure she received from a salon in her neighborhood. The infection was so bad she was hospitalized the last several months of her life and I frequently called her at El Camino Hospital in Mountain View, knowing I could be easily directed to her room where I would update her on what happened in Scotland and this fantastic guy I had just met.

But she died.

Steve walked in the room and I looked up at him and he had that look on his face—the “Oh crap, she’s crying. What do I do?” look. I blurted out the words, “My friend.” Tears not just rolling but pouring down my face. “She’s dead,” I continued. “Her sister. She left me a message.” I couldn’t breath and pressed my face into his chest and sobbed. I sobbed big heavy, almost-hyperventalating tears.

The “I love yous” and the never-ending tears

I’m in Bath. Just the night before I said, “I love you” and he said it back (thank goodness). Big moment. Colossal moment. This is the desired outcome Jane Austen writes about, but I was grieving. I pulled myself together and we went downstairs to breakfast where our Bed and Breakfast host served us breakfast while I gave up trying to control the tears that seemed to never ever stop. I was sure that the other guests and the host thought we had been fighting.

A church in Castle Comb in the Cotswolds

Move on with our day’s plans. That was the only thing that we could really do. This was the day we were going to discover the Cotswold region. Every guidebook seemed to write lovingly of the romantic quaint region with its stone homes, thatched roofs and cream teas. I studied the region ahead of time. I was prepared to get wrapped up in it, but I was sad. So very sad.

The verdant landscape of the Cotswolds was like looking at a poem. There is a cadence to the hills and each little village was like hitting upon the rhyme at the end of a line. They all looked similar, but they had their own character, like words that sound the same but aren’t. It wasn’t a sad poem and it wasn’t a happy poem, but it was a comforting one.

Bourton on the Water

We held hands as we walked along the pathway at Bourton on the Water, and we would have moments of silence and then I would start talking about Jessica. Then I would tear up again and return back to silence. I didn’t quite know how to feel. My heart hung heavy with grief, but was also bursting out of my chest with spectacular joy and the feeling of being in love. I couldn’t have been in a more bifurcated moment in my entire life. Or is it possible to have two hearts in this kind of experience?

This picture with smiles and a sad heart

I wanted a photo of us in this lovely place. I asked a man if he could take our photo and Steve and I sat on a bench. “No, no,” the man said as he pointed to another bench. “Sit over here. It’s much better.” We moved to the other bench and the man, who turned out to be a photographer, took this photo with my little Kodak point-and-shoot camera. This beautifully, perfectly angled photo.

I feel like I’m spoiling the ending here but you know already that I married that man. Fast forward almost two years later and as a wedding gift, the women at my church had an artist paint a portrait based on this photo. When they revealed it to me I wept again. This photo took me back to that time when I was swept up in love in England, where “I Love Yous” were exchanged, and if you look really closely you’ll notice that in my heart I’m grieving the loss of my friend, Jessica.

Continue to next chapter.

 

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