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The baby aspirin years

~ Ms. Boice falls in love, travels and eats her way through life in the post-40 years.

The baby aspirin years

Monthly Archives: June 2013

How one man changed my body snark

26 Wednesday Jun 2013

Posted by Ms. Boice in Uncategorized

≈ 18 Comments

Tags

blogging, body image, body photo, Challenges, health, relationships

Note: Just so’s ya know, there’s lots of full body photos here.

The same week that Sally of Unbrave Girl began her No-body-snark diet campaign, I read this quote from author, journalist, and comedian Paul Krassner

This is a difficult country to look too different in—the United States of Advertising—and if you are too skinny or too tall or dark or weird or short or frizzy or homely or poor or nearsighted, you get crucified.

Ain’t that the truth.

Sally’s challenge was to begin posting full body photos of ourselves, rather than only shoulder-and-above photos. Well, my arm isn’t long enough for a full body selfie, but I did dig through my archives and found that I was pretty okay with the full body photo at age three.

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Red shoes! Love!

Look at that girl! (ME!) Three years old and she hasn’t yet been barraged with all sorts of negative body snark. She doesn’t care that her thighs touch. Or that her toes point out or that the baby fat on her body gives her a double chin. No, it’s all so freaking cute and she knows it!

I can tell you exactly why I started the body snark. If I didn’t do it first, then I beat anyone else to the punch. Laugh at myself, I thought, and then we all laugh together. Bad strategy, I know. That might work well if you trip on a banana peel, and so you laugh at yourself rather than cower into a corner and sob. “Hey everyone, wasn’t that funny?”

But turning myself into a big laughing stock kept me from feeling comfortable as ME. My friends liked me the way I am, why didn’t I?

It wasn’t until I fell in love with this guy when I finally fell in love with myself. (Hang on all you folks who think I’m going down that you-need-a-man-to-feel-good-about-yourself path. I’m not. Hear me out.)

My suitor and I in Palmyra, New York

When I met Steve I didn’t have room for all the negative self-talk about my appearance because I was SMITTEN! Well, at least that’s what I thought at first, but then realized it was it the other way around. Without the negative self-talk I was able to fall in love. And it took me to age 40 when that all happened.  That’s waaaay too long to wait for that to happen.

Feeling more confident in my own in skin not only helped me to find love, but it also led to some crazy activities, all under the influence of Steve. (He now sounds like a drug.)

Lisa zipline

Zip lining in Costa Rica (TOTALLY a fake smile. I’m scared to death, really.) All Steve’s doing.

The suitor TOTALLY dragged me into hiking the Narrows in Zion National Park

The suitor, Steve, TOTALLY dragged me into hiking the Narrows in Zion National Park. I’m pretending I’m so cool about this whole thing but really don’t know what I’m doing.

He also made me walk on a frozen Lake Louise in Banff National Park, Albert

He also made me walk on a frozen Lake Louise in Banff National Park, Alberta.

And then he convinced me that scuba diving was really cool, so I did that too.

And then he convinced me that scuba diving was really cool, so I did that too. I still think it’s cool.

And then he lured me into marriage where I thought, "Hey, I look pretty good in this dang dress, don't I?"

And then he lured me into marriage where I thought, “Hey, I look pretty good in this dang dress, don’t I?”

It’s been a crazy ride alongside this guy and it’s only been seven years now since we met. But here’s my message: don’t wait for a guy to come around to sweep you off your feet to make you feel good about yourself. You have to feel good before you can open up yourself to anyone.

I mean that. Yes, I’m convinced that if I had been still self-deprecating that Steve—the guy above who makes me do crazy things—would never have found me. It doesn’t matter that I’m frizzy, short, weird, or need readers, he loves me. Shouldn’t I do the same?

Yes. Duh.

And besides, if I had screwed up and never liked myself, we would have never made a really cool Christmas card like this, because it takes two people to hold that sign and it only works if you can get a full body shot. Otherwise, it’s lame.

Merry Christmas, y'all.

Merry Christmas, y’all.

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Letter to my readers: Some people at TBEX taught me about writing. The good kind.

16 Sunday Jun 2013

Posted by Ms. Boice in Uncategorized

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

birding, birds, blogging, global birding, TBEX, Toronto, travel, writing

There's not room for two big egos in this photo.

There’s not room for two big egos in this photo. (Instagram)

Dear Readers,

I started this blog almost two years ago because I wanted to practice writing and get good at it. I didn’t mean for it to turn into a travel/food/my falling in love with my long-distance suitor stories/sometimes rant blog. Some of you are my family and friends and even coworkers who either felt pressured to subscribe or had a real sincere desire to find out what makes me tick. Some of you also follow my other blog The Accidental Birder because, frankly, you probably got tired of my pestering you to follow my badass birding adventures around the globe. To you, I apologize for the abhorrent writing you’ve had to face and the random and inconsistent posts.

Sometimes I vomit out too many adverbs on a page. And other times, I’ve hit “publish” and then gone back three times (at least) to clean up the mess. I know that, and the first step in overcoming any problem is admitting it. The second step, I’m certain, is to go to a conference for bloggers to get some rehab, which happened to be TBEX (Travel Bloggers Exchange).

When people and speakers think you’re weird. And that’s okay.

I was over the moon on my first day at TBEX. It began wonderfully with the writing workshop, led by Pam Mandel, Andy Murdock and David Farley. We broke into small groups of about 12 people and I got a chance to read part of one of my Accidental Birder posts. The look on David Farley’s face when I explained that I’m a global birder was priceless. You know that look someone gives you when they’re not sure you said what you said? Like you were speaking in tongues? I got that look. Turns out I got a lot of those weird looks all weekend. Yes, y’all. Looking at birds around the world. It’s a thing.

Looks like I’ve got my work cut out for me.

Pam Mandel, David Farley and Andy Murdock help us not suck as much at writing.

Pam Mandel, David Farley and Andy Murdock help us not suck at writing.

My second small group session during the workshop was with Pam Mandel and we didn’t really workshop anyone’s writing, but rather workshopped ideas and challenges. I received sage advice on how I might tackle my latest adventure in Ecuador where it didn’t exactly turn out so awesome. You, my dear reader, don’t know that yet—the part about Ecuador not being so awesome—because I haven’t had the nerve to write it. I’ve only shown you super fun stuff like the custom-made red boots I got in Quito.

If there was one thing that impressed me most, it was the genuine advice and feedback I received at this workshop and in their follow ups with me. These are the connections that are the most meaningful at a conference like TBEX. I only wish this could have been an all-day workshop.

When people are surprised you don’t make money at this. That’s okay too.

The other workshop I attended was the Instagram walking tour with Katja Presnal. As we were walking around Toronto in the crazy heat and humidity I was having a nice chat with a woman about my Accidental Birder blog when she asked, “So how do you make money at that?”

“Uh, I don’t.”

I thought everyone did this for the love of writing and have regular careers and never have a tidy home.

It wouldn’t be the last time someone would ask me about the business side of my blog. And guess what—there is no business side of either of my blogs.

So, it turns out there were Monetizing sessions at TBEX. I thought that was another conference. (No, not really, but it kinda felt like it.)

Meanwhile, back on the walking tour….

Apparently, reading small print like, “It’s a walking tour so wear comfortable shoes,” got lost on me. Also, rules like “keep up with the group” seem to be important. I got turned around and separated from the group so I walked back to the hotel and noticed that the CN Tower had been stalking me.

IMG_3569

CN Tower is totally stalking me. [Enter creepy music.]

This is how old people party. Or not.

So readers, I hate to report that I didn’t go to any of the parties. Instead I spent the evenings with Steve, the husband, because we’re that weird couple where each lives in a different country. Toronto was a rendezvous point and to be honest, I’m just kind of too old for those parties. But I heard they were really fun.

Did someone lose her shoe? That must have been some party the night before.

Parties so fun that someone lost her shoe. That must have been some party! (Instagram)

I should have been tormenting you differently

Back at the Toronto convention center ranch of 1300 bloggers I stuck to the content track at TBEX, which gave me really good tips and direction to improve my writing, photography, content development, and to be quite honest, make it easier for you to follow along. I even learned, ala Mike Sowden, how to torment you and make you want to read my blogs to the end. I have no idea if you finish reading any of what I’m posting. I’m lucky if I get three comments and I’m assuming those people have read to the end. I think I’ve been tormenting you all along, but not in the way Mike suggests. Sorry about all the bad writing tormenting. (<–See? even this sentence is bad. Ugh.)

See anything good?

I also met some lovely people, one of whom happened to be another birder, Laura Kammermeier of Nature Travel Network. On the first day we had lunch with my husband (the real birder) where we shared stories and adventures. Laura’s insights on the difficulty in networking were spot on when she said:

I don’t know how to break into this group here at TBEX. In the birder world you just go up and say, ‘See anything good?’ and that starts the conversation. Here? I don’t know.

Yeah, I couldn’t figure it out either. Gosh, 1300 attendees is a lot of people and kind of difficult to connect. But there was a really cool sculpture of birds right outside the convention center. Thanks Toronto, that was a swell welcome for us two birders. Made us feel kind of special. And smart because everyone else was calling them just woodpeckers. But we birders were geeking out about it and, of course. knew what species they really were.

In case you didn't know, that there is a Yellow-bellied Sapsucker.

In case you didn’t know, that there is a Yellow-bellied Sapsucker (the other one was the Pileated Woodpecker). You totally want to party with me, right?

IMG_3615

By the way, there was a GOB of construction going on in Toronto. (Instagram)

A cheap date. (Not in the sense that she’s a trashy girl.)

Did TBEX meet all my expectations? Kind of. But it was sort of a cheap date and I got what I paid for. I bought my conference ticket ûber early and paid under $100 for it. I maybe passed out seven of my cards with my blog info because they were people I genuinely wanted to connect with. I didn’t speed date. I don’t even know what the Marketplace thing was. And as I mentioned above, I didn’t do the parties. Or the after parties. I just stayed the course with the content track and felt like I took advantage of 1/5 of the conference, which was okay. TBEX was a cheap date and that’s fine. If I want more out of a conference I will need to invest a little more for that. I don’t need all the other stuff the sponsors were paying for—the parties and the monetization breakouts. Not saying they’re bad, but it just wasn’t my focus.

I took pages and pages of notes, so I know I learned a great deal. Most importantly, I learned to not just slap up crap on my blog just to stay consistent. It’s more important to really work through a piece, edit, sleep on it, and edit some more. So that means I may not post something weekly. It just might even be once a month. I don’t know yet. I liked working in a rhythm, but I was only making incremental improvements in writing, not monumental steps.

You see, it’s about you, not me. That’s a tough thing to learn and rather counterintuitive to personal blogging if you think about it. Blogging started about me, but if this is going to be about engagement I have to respect your time as well and give you something for your time, like something interesting to read. Or something you learn. Or at least one embarrassing photo of me.

And then I’m sure you’ll always finish my posts to the end.

Warmest regards,

Lisa

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